Stop me if you've heard this story. The Three Bears jump into a time machine and waste a whole weekend in search of the grout color that was juuuuuuusssssstttt right...

No? Not familiar with this little DIY fairy tale? Well then, let me fill you in.

The selection of a grout color for a large bathroom is easy...said no one...ever. That's why, once upon a time, three little bears named Wendy, Alex, and Lulu went out in search of the perfect grout color for a bathroom renovation that's taken longer than any of them would like to admit to the world.

Since these three bears were using one inch marble hex (actually, 1.25" marble hex) with 1/16" grout lines on their master bathroom floor, the color of the grout would ultimately play a major role in the overall look of the room, primarily because there's going to be a ton of it visible.

The bears knew that choosing the correct color could both highlight the tile while also distracting from any inconsistencies or layout issues. (Though I'm sure each and every one of those issues had been resolved through the bears' diligent search and correction techniques.)

While the bears may not have been tiling pros, they knew that with a white (or gray) stone tile, like marble, the rhyme to remember is "the whiter you can go with the grout, the less you'll see the problems in the layout."

However, this is in sharp contrast to the other rhyme of "historically accurate grout is gray." Okay, that's less of a rhyme and more of a fact. I guess preservationists aren't into rhyming. But the three bears knew, even without a rhyme, that a darker grout color is the only "correct" historical color. I think this goes all of the way back to the days of dinosaur tile setters.

These two are obviously discussing a tile quote.

It may have been millions of years ago, but it's rather obvious that T-Rexes all had to hire out their tile jobs because their arms were too short to tile or grout. But back then, their triceratops and brontosaurus tile setters would use gray to dark gray grout exclusively, likely due to the fact that it all came from volcanic rock. Also, I don't think any of the big box stores carried the color varieties back then.

After grouting was complete, the dinosaur tile setters would show their customer the finished job and the T-Rex would usually eat the tile setter. It was a bad job to have.

But this isn't a story about dinosaurs' DIY shortcomings due to under evolved arms, this is a story about bears and grout, so let's get back to the point.

Throughout history, from the dinosaurs to the Romans, to the Victorians, gray and dark gray grout was the only way to go (and the only way available). It's only in recent times with color additives and polymer blends that the three bears even have an option to use something other than gray.

The thing is, the three bears, and especially mama bear, had been planning on grouting their tile with a darker color. And as you may be able to guess, papa bear was all for an historically accurate approach with dark grout, as he likes historically accurate. They'd talked about it, day dreamed about it, and planned for it while they did their bear things around town. So when it came time to select the grout color they wanted, the bears jumped into the bear family truckster and headed out to the Tile Shop to do a little grout color selecting.

What happened when they arrived? Well, apparently the two bears (baby bear was left home) chickened out. Their initial intent to select a dark grout somehow morphed into the selection of a grout color that was second lightest on the grout color chart. The guy who was helping the bears was pushing the lightest color, so they felt like they were being bear rebels simply because they went with the second lightest shade. While they thought they were being bear badasses, they were actually being bear wimps.

With their not nearly as dark of grout in tow, they headed home ready to take on the whole bathroom. Luckily for these bears, this wasn't their first grout rodeo, and they realized just how much grouting they had ahead of them. They also realized that marble hex is not nearly as forgiving as 8" by 12" tiles when it comes to poor grout selection. If you need to remove a bad grout from hex you might as well just rip up the floor and start over. There's no "chip it out and re-grout" (another great tile setting rhyme there) when it comes to a small mosaic tile mat. But that's why these three bears had a plan.

Rather than jumping into the grouting pool before even checking the depth, the bears decided to make a sample board so they could test out the color. I encourage everyone who might ever read this tale to do exactly the same if you ever find yourself grouting even a small room. It's too easy not to do it.

Several days before the bears grout adventure began, papa bear grabbed a piece of scrap plywood from his disgusting, cumbersome, horrible, awful, and just plain terrible basement hoarder lair and mixed up a little bit of thinset. (Honestly, papa bear's basement is so bad that he can barely even move around down there, but he'd rather hibernate than deal with it.) Just like laying one of the sheets of tile on the bathroom floor, papa bear applied a few scrap sheets of tile to the plywood to act as an example of their bathroom's floor. He made sure to vary the sheets and their alignment slightly to simulate all of the variability in the room. Some spacing was too small, some spacing too large, some tiles were left high, others pushed low, and he even made sure there were a few tiles that represented the crooked population of off kilter hex. But some of the tiles...some of them were juuuuusssstttt right! Even Mel approved of the sample board, though he was in the midst of a full blown temper tantrum because he didn't make the cast as one of the three bears. We told him we thought his being featured on the cover of the real estate section in last Saturday's Washington Post should make up for it, and we even promised him the starring role of Goldilocks. Mel, well, he was having none of it. 

This sample board proved to be invaluable.

On a Friday night, with absolutely perfect weather, the bears popped the cork on a little sparkling wine (bears like bubbles more than beets, remember that), enjoyed some cheese, nuts, and honey, and did a little grouting on the sample board. Excited to see the grout color come to life on the tile, these bears paid no attention to the fact they were using their Friday night and a bottle of sparkling wine to grout their sample tile rather than having a fun bear's night out.

They allowed the grout to dry, the whole time thinking they'd be waking up first thing on Saturday and grouting the whole bathroom. After all, it looked like a slightly lighter version of the color the bears wanted when it was wet. But as the grout began to cure the frowny faces on the bears began to grow (except for baby bear, she was sort of oblivious). For what seemed like an adequate gray began to change to an almost white color over the stone.

By the time the bears awoke on Saturday morning they were cranky and dejected. While they had hoped for a color that was juuuuusssttt right, they were left with a color that felt completely wrong.

Undeterred by their minor setback, the bears marched right into The Tile Shop once again with the hope they'd be able to muster the courage to get their darker grout. But that's the thing about the Tile Shop grout colors, there isn't a wide array of true gray grout, so the next darkest was called charcoal and was very dark.

This time, without hesitation, the bears asked for 30 pounds of the Charcoal grout and exchanged their purchase of Dove Gray. Though the exchange process took and exceedingly long time, due to checkout system errors and the need to try multiple credit cards, perhaps 20 minutes or more to check out, which resulted in a near meltdown from Mamma Bear that required a bit of a bear walkabout through the store to keep a level head, the new grout was ultimately acquired and the bears were on their way.

Knowing the test board had saved their little bear hides the night before, they decided to have lunch outside and test out this new grout color on an ungrouted area of their test board. So once again, the bears gathered the necessary supplies and measured out the right amount of test grout to mix up. However, this time didn't involve alcohol of any sort since the bears needed to keep their heads about them. Day drinking doesn't typically lend itself to weekend grout productivity, though I'm relatively sure it was noon somewhere...

As they applied the new charcoal grout to the board the bears both had the same though, "ruh-roh, that grout is actually quite dark. Is this right? Is this the color we want? Or is this just too dark?"

The bears, being modern bears with smartphones and social media know-how, took to Instagram with a #nofilter post to solicit the advice of their Internet friends. And while the bears really hoped everyone would say "oh, bears, that dark is just splendid, you simply must grout your new floor using that dark gray, it would be a true shame to go light." (That's how the bear's Instagram friends usually talk.) The reality of the response was quite a bit different.

Overwhelmingly the Internets thought the bears' light color grout was the way to go. Even people the bears thought for sure would prefer the dark wanted the light! And though the board had yet to cure, the bears knew in the their little bear hearts that this color was simply too dark.

Having now wasted half of the day they had hoped would have been spent grouting, the bears had established a grout color that was too light, and a grout color that was too dark. But they were still in search of a grout color that would be just right.

Frustrated but determined, the bears had to move on from The Tile Shop due to the limited colors and set out to search the orange box for the preferred color grout. If you're keeping score, this now meant the bears would be spending Saturday evening on their grout hunt. And while this may make for a "nice little Saturday" for some, it wasn't in the original plans for these bears.

The bears lumbered into the tile and grout aisle and located the many boxes of grout. The only problem, almost every single box was of the sanded variety. Since the bears are grouting tile that has a maximum of 1/16" grout lines, they needed un-sanded grout.

While they searched the bears found a grout color chart and held it up to their sample board they'd brought with them to the store, like a couple of grouting bear crazies.

In a way, the bears just wanted to jump into a time machine that would take them back to the beginning of this whole process so they could just choose the right grout from the start. And, in a way, they'd just found one...of sorts.

"Delorean Gray" was the color, a happy medium between the too dark and too light and named for one of the most famous time machines ever created (and not named for the failed 1980's overpriced stainless steel sports car, obviously). But the question, would they have it in unsanded?

Finally, the growing frustrated bears found the rather small collection of the unsanded variety of grout colors. They crossed their paws and started digging for the color they needed, fully expecting it to be a special order only item. But as luck would have it, the orange box actually had the unsanded Delorean gray in stock! Wow, what are the odds? (I'm guessing, quite low.)

Returning home, the bears were both tired and excited by the prospects of actually moving ahead with their grouting work. Bears love grouting, and to this point, working only on sample boards was a lame second to the real thing. But the bears needed to measure out just a little more sample grout from the newly purchased boxes to run one more color test on their sample board.

They'd already seen too dark, they'd already experienced too light, perhaps, just perhaps, this grout color would be juuuuuiissssstttt right!

It may have started our quite dark, but the next morning, after an appropriate amount of dry time, the bears took a look at their sample board and found the color had dried to that soft medium gray they were searching for. Their "time machine" had worked, and the Delorean Gray (upper right) was the answer to their color questions.

It was a process to say the least, and one that required perseverance and patience to select the appropriate color. The bears had a lot of work ahead of them before they can call the grouting complete, but one of the hardest parts of the process was now behind them.

Most importantly, the bears learned that a sample board is an invaluable piece of a proper grout selection, that return policies are a great thing, and they're fortunate that the various home improvement stores are all withing a relatively short drive in the bear family truckster.

And you're wondering where Goldilocks (but the male version) was throughout this whole ordeal, you need look no further than the nearest cushion. 

Apparently they are all pretty much just right.