The multi volume assault on our home decor senses was no doubt meant to thrust us into a frantic fit of perusal ultimately resulting in an "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THAT COUCH THAT CAN FIT 40 PEOPLE!!!!" moment. 

The ironic thing about the above photo is that it's from the "Small Spaces" volume of their collection. As someone who lives in a relatively small space, I think their definition of "petite" might be a little bit off. It's like saying a large French fry container is small in comparison to a Super Size. That "Small Spaces" couch is still too large to reasonably fit in any room in our house.

But that can't be all this catalog...err...source books are meant for. An item this substantial should have much loftier goals, but what? The answer to this question is the result of the journey we've been on.

It all started late last week as an unexpected clack-thud from our front door knocker rang out through our modest home and triggered Lulu's obligatory apeshit barking response. Whether snoozing in a nap or mid bite at her bowl, any knock at our door results in an Usain Bolt worthy sprint through the house that concludes with a launch of her 30 pound canine frame against our salvaged and restored front door. Like a dog doing her best impression of a ballistic missile, her tiny body flies through the air and makes a thunderous impact with the interior of our door, leaving claw mark scars in the surface and my stomach twisted in knots. From the outside of our home the commotion tends to sound more like a large pack of angry wolves than that of a single mid-sized lady dog with peanut sized head and otherwise reasonable proportions.

When this daily event in our home occurs, it can mean many things. Perhaps a political canvasser looking for assurance of votes now fears the wrath of the no doubt 400 pound angry bull mastiff on the opposite side of the door looking for its next human meal. Maybe some a small child selling candy is reduced to a quivering puddle, now believing Hercules, from the Sandlot, takes up residence in our home. Or possibly someone from a religious group is rethinking their decision to knock on a door that very well may be that of lucifer himself, guarded by a pack of vicious beast dogs, saliva made up of the tears of souls already devoured.

Though all are equally likely, this particular visitor happened to be the owner of a hardened stare, unwavering in the face of Lulu's psychotic ways. It was our dependable UPS delivery person. Unfazed by the daunting intimidation of the domesticated beast, our delivery people bring the boxes of bobbles we so eagerly await following the euphoric click of a mouse button several days before.

As I race Lulu to the door in the hopes of heading off her irrational reaction, I think to myself, "Is it a new tool? Maybe some colorful socks and a new outfit? Some nerdy thing I must have that Wendy will surely disapprove of? Perhaps wine (you need an over 21 signature for that, you know)? Oh joy, err, squee I mean, what can it be?!?!"

When I opened the door the UPS man looked back at my inquisitive gaze. With an outstretched arm he extended a large bundle of something wrapped in plastic. He nodded toward his hand with our delivery precariously dangling from his clenched fingers and said, "Got it? It's heavy!"

Heavy?! What had we received in a loosely wrapped packaging that was heavy? It didn't have a box, didn't need a signature, didn't even have the need for protection of any sort. And it was heavy. According to the label on the front, it was actually 17 pounds heavy!

As I took ownership of the unexpected delivery I glanced down at the contents of the package and realized exactly what it was! It was the multi volume 2014 Restoration Hardware catalog of all of the things.

This package of four "Lifestyle Books" and nine "Category Books" is to the mail order catalog what the World Book Encyclopedia was to my 7th grade book reports, seemingly all encompassing with theoretically all of the information you may need for a particular letter of the alphabet. However it's incredibly lacking when your interest happens to be "How does a phytoplankton adapt to its ocean environment when impacted by melting polar ice caps due to global warming from the over production of 17 pound direct mail catalog pieces?" You won't find that anywhere in the "P" volume, and that's why kids today have Wikipedia.

I took to Instagram to let the world know what we had just received. Still shocked by the mass of the...mass, I hoisted it onto our table and began reading the single sheet introductory insert, ironically shocked that they didn't make it a book unto itself. The majority of the contents of this "Welcome to our Catalog" note was more of a justification for our receipt of this monstrosity than anything else.

Perhaps if the introduction must defend what is to follow in the unsolicited mailer, and then close by stating that "it's really not that egregious onslaught on the environment it appears to be," we're getting off on the wrong foot. Let's take a step back.

Hi, I'm Alex, nice to meet you.

Oh hi there, I'm a giant multi volume carbon neutral catalog made with tons of recycled stuff so that I'm 100% and totally environmentally friendly (pay no attention to the UPS driver behind the curtain with the planes, trucks, gas, and whatnot) with lots of expensive stuff that doesn't have a chance in hell of fitting anywhere within the 15 and a half foot wide brick row house you call home. Though you seem to be living like a space starved peasant compared to our target demographic of 5 bedroom and 6,000 square foot manor houses, I hope there's tons of stuff that will make you all loose in the wallet because you can't resist. Maybe a bit of bath hardware? I know you like that, you ordered some from me years ago and haven't even installed it yet. You just keep it in the basement and stare at it occasionally. And best of all, I was shipped right to your door so you don't have to be inconvenienced with all of that hard hard typing of the wwws and the .coms. on our Internets (but you can also download me in an app). Now just find a little spot in your already packed house and proudly set me down for display. When you have a spare few hours, why don't you thumb through me and figure out what you simply can't live without. That'd be great!

Sorry, secondary introductions are almost exactly the same as the first, no matter how hard you try to get off on the other foot. That's the thing about feet. You only have two and the other one physically can't be very far from the first.

Rather than allow ourselves to continue the wasteful circle of catalog life by dropped the whole shebang into the recycle bin, still wrapped in its sarcophagus like plastic cocoon, we're going to truly embrace the intent of reuse and look for some alternate purposes for this mound of professionally bound pulp. Here are a few ideas we've come up with to make the most out of this unsolicited gargantuan direct mail piece.

1. Step Stool

Need a boost to reach that top shelf? Look no further than the patent pending Restoration Hardware Catalog Step Stool. This hunk of recycled paper will extend your reach just enough to be moderately more useful than it is while sitting in the bottom of a recycling plant. Reach for the stars with the RH Step Stool.

2. Dog Agility Tool

If you have an overly rambunctious dog that's looking for that unique outlet, this catalog can act as an obstacle, leaping point, or even a podium on which to stand after a victorious romp in the yard. The limits of its uses for your dog are only set by your dog's imagination (so it's likely limited to running around, on, and over, as well as some chewing).

3. A Horrible Pillow

Ever feel like your pillow is just too comfortable and want to know what the rest of the developing world feels like when they're sleeping? Besides simply abusing the #FirstWorldProblems hashtag, you can throw this catalog under your head and you'll feel the level of discomfort that you've been searching for.

4. Vehicle Lift

Need to do a little work on your car but don't want to acquire lift ramps or fiddle with your car's factory rudimentary jack? Just toss the catalog on the ground and run it over with your car. It'll give you those few inches you need to easily slide under your vehicle, and you'll be doing it in Restoration Hardware style!

5. Home Security Device

Some people keep a baseball bat handy under their bed to thwart a would be intruder, but this catalog will do just the trick in a smaller footprint. If you hear an intruder, just grab the bulk package and ready it for launch. A direct hit with 17 pounds of solidly bound paper will surely knock a thief out. After you call the police you can even thumb through the catalog while awaiting their arrival. I mean, you stopped the robber from stealing your money, so now you can look at stuff you might want to buy with it.

6. Fix a Broken Step

Embracing the true "Restoration" spirit of the store's name (hey, someone should, right?) you can place the catalog near a broken step to "repair" the issue. Our brick step near the back door has been destroyed by the garbage truck constantly running over the bricks, and now we're left with a broken corner. This catalog is just what the house doctor ordered. Now that the catalog is in the right place we don't have to worry about that broken step anymore.

7. Correct a Wobbly Table

We're very excited to have a new outdoor table set, but the tree roots have really made the backyard's bricks wonky and our table significantly wobbly. Using the Restoration Hardware catalog as a shim, we now have a table that's less wobbly, and a great looking way to accomplish it. Thanks Restoration Hardware!

8. Cat Food Stand

Ever feel bad for your cat and how far he has to dip his head to eat? Me too! With the Restoration Hardware Catalog as a booster seat for your cat's food and water, your feline won't have to experience any of that unwanted and annoying cat neck and back pain. Just pop their food on the top of the catalog and your cat will meow with joy. This is especially good for geriatric cats or cats that tend to be cranky...so pretty much all cats, really.

9. All-In-One Home Gym Solution

Love looking buff and shredded but hate going to the gym? This bundle of papers can be used in at least 300 different positions to ensure a heart pounding and muscle pumping workout. Whether you're using it as a bench for dips, stool for calf raises, or as your weighted resistance for arm curls, bench press, tricep extensions, or leg raises, this catalog is sure to give you a mediocre workout that will make you wish you had just taken the few minutes extra to go to the gym. If you're looking for that perfect home gym solution to justify your actual gym membership, look no further than the 2014 Restoration Hardware catalog.

10. Looking Sophisticated

Nothing says "I'm baller" like buying everything in your house from a single catalog, and even if you haven't done that you can spread the 2014 Restoration Hardware catalog out on your coffee table to show that you are considering the possibility of being just that baller. Forget nice coffee table books full of interesting and colorful photos that highlight your interests, Restoration Hardware has professionally staged all sorts of home and lifestyle scenes that can show everyone just how sophisticated you'd prefer to be if given the budget, opportunity, and home size. Just fan out all of the volumes and you've got yourself a real klassy like display that says, "I might be just that baller, yo!" Add some bubbles for effect.

Mmmmmm...sophisticated.

Note: Using the catalog in this manner after using it in all of the above scenarios may make you look less sophisticated since it will largely be destroyed.

I hope some of these ideas can help you overcome the possible assault on your senses that is the Restoration Hardware 2014 multi volume carbon neutral catalog. We like Restoration Hardware as much as the next smug yuppie hipster twee bloggers, and we've bought quite a few things from their store since we purchased our home, but we can definitely handle our purchases either through the store or online. However, it was much easier to shop in store before they replaced our local Restoration Hardware with an H&M. Don't even get me started on that one.   

Okay, now that I've rigged up some sort of pulley system and I've somehow hoisted this massive catalog into our recycle container, I think it's in its rightful location in our home. 

I think I'll also be going online in a few minutes to opt out of future catalog mailers from Restoration Hardware, though it means we'll lose out on so much versatility in future annual shipments. I thought it was bad last year when we received a three volume set. But you know what they say, bigger is always better...right?

Do you have any alternate use ideas we didn't think of that you'd like to share with us? I'd love to hear/see some of your repurpose thoughts.

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At the expert hands of professional stylists, makeup artists, fashionistas, and other willing participants, they had this normally paint splattered girl looking cleaned up and almost unrecognizable.

Photo Credit: Alumbra Photography

Now let me tell you a little something about myself. I like to think of myself as a real trend setting fashionista, as comfortable on the catwalk as I am with a nail gun or paint roller. 

Wait a second, that's not right at all. In fact, it's perhaps one of the most egregious falsehoods I've ever uttered.

In reality I consider myself decidedly the antithesis of fashion forward. I might try to act the part of from time to time, I might even secretly want to be looked at as "stylish", but for will or ability, I'm sort of unapologetically not that person. Instead, I'm more of a "ready and out the door in 20 minutes" girl, and I have no qualms with walking around town in my dog walking attire, despite the fact that someone might :gasp: see me. 

It's for this simple reason that when a few local boutique small businesses approached me to see if Lulu and I would be interested in modeling a few Spring looks for the first ever Cobblestone Runway Lookbook, I was quite literally speechless. All I could muster was, "Me? Really?" 

How did these great local shops want to use a girl who rocks half a fake front tooth thanks to a washing machine mishap nearly 15 years ago in their spring trend guide? (That's a long story that I'm sure Alex would be glad to fill you in on if you'd like.) 

To participate, all Lulu and I needed to do was—along with three other local bloggers: Rachel of My Fair Vanity, Tammy of A Loyal Love, and Bryarly of Everything That Flickers—go with the flow for a day of fun and pampering in order to help these local Old Town Alexandria small businesses showcase their Spring finest. Sign. Me. Up.

The end result is the first ever Cobblestones Runway Lookbook for Old Town Alexandria.

Though the photo shoot itself was scheduled for only one day, the prep for the event actually kicked off a week ahead of time when I had an opportunity to get together with the style mavens behind the boutiques that make the lookbook possible. In these first few days we picked out our outfits from Zoe Boutique, great shoes and accessories from Bishop Boutique, and even a little skin color from BronzedBerry organic spray tanning.

Everything from trying on pair after pair of gorgeous shoes that made me feel quite glamorous in spite of my pale "winter feet", to my first ever experience with spray tanning, was well outside the bounds of my typical DIY wheelhouse, but I have to say I really enjoyed it.

When we actually reached the day of the shoot it was largely a blur of excitement. I was treated to professional hair and makeup at Sugar House Day Spa and Salon, and the results were impressive. My hair took on a whole new shape and my complexion looked like it never has before. If only I could learn how to do this myself!

Photo Credit: Carlis Sanchez, Spicy Candy DC

While I don't consider myself a model in looks, measurements, grace, style, posture, appetite, general fashion sense, or really anything that would typical qualify one to realistically call themselves a model, the concept of supporting local small businesses by participating in a fun daylong photo shoot sounded like something I could completely get behind. But I know the real reason they contacted me to participate was simply to get to the true model in our household, our canine companion Lulu. The truth hurts, but I have to accept it.

After all of my very taxing pampering, it was time for the shoot to begin. I ran home to collect my four legged sidekick and we headed over to Morrison House, a local Kimpton Hotel. We met up with the other ladies representing all of the behind the scenes support making the whole production possible, as well as the other canine models (including two dogs who are looking for their forever homes). 

Before I knew it Lulu was dressed in her first look from The Dog Park, a colorful collar and dainty beaded leash, and we were on our way. We took several photos at the hotel in different locations, my favorite being the shots as we walked out the door and down the hotel's curved front staircase. 

Photo Credit: Alumbra Photography

No Cobblestone Lookbook would possibly be complete without a feature in its cobblestone namesake, but wouldn't you know it that you can find some just a stone's throw from Zoe Boutique. We headed down to Zoe at the bottom of Prince Street so we could change into our evening wear then lined up for a series of photos on the nearby cobblestone-lined Captains' Row. These photos are some of my favorites because they showcase the charm and history of Old Town alongside the style of its retail offerings.

Photo Credit: Alumbra Photography

Throughout this whole adventure, there are two primary things that I learned. First, cobblestones are beautiful and charming, but they're not easy to walk on with heels. And second, Lulu really looks great in a pink tutu.

Photo Credit: Alumbra Photography

Our final stop of the night was at Jackson 20, a local restaurant and bar that is well known for it's courtyard doggy happy hour, or "Yappy Hour" as it's more locally known. In a nod to the weekly event held Tuesday and Thursday nights throughout the summer in the courtyard of the Hotel Monaco, we sipped wine (ugh, such a tough job!) alongside our four legged friends, and toasted to the success of the day.

Photo Credit: Alumbra Photography

I think this was easily Lulu's favorite stop of the day. She and her new best friend, Merci (pronounced Mercy), the French Bulldog puppy, chased each other all over the courtyard. It was easily the highlight of my day, and that's saying a lot!

The Cobblestone Runway Lookbook was officially unveiled yesterday and I must say that it's spectacular. I may be a little biased due to many photos of one wrinkly faced dog that I can't seem to get enough of, but I think it's definitely worth an in-depth perusal. To take a look at the beautiful photos, gorgeous clothing and accessories, and of course, to see my sweet puppy in all her glory, you can view it here or on Bishop Boutique's blog.

Thank you again to Bishop Boutique, Zoe Boutique, The Dog Park, Sugar House Day Spa and Salon, BronzedBerry, Alumbra Photography, and Carlis from Spicy Candy DC for not only making Lulu and I feel like princesses for a day, but for representing small businesses whose shops and services make Old Town Alexandria an even better place to live and visit. 

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We're big supporters of shopping local small businesses, and that absolutely includes the various local merchants in Old Town and the Alexandria area. The cool thing about this event, put on by the Old Town Boutique District, is that so many of our favorite stores are in one place and have some really great markdowns on their items. In fact, it's so popular that there's always a pretty significant line of people waiting to get inside an hour or more before the sale opens at 9:00 am. 

We arrived early again this year to say hello to several of our friends and vendors, to take photos to share with you, and to do a little deal scouting of my own. As in years past, The Shoe Hive's booth was a popular spot, with frenzied shoppers pulling open boxes like kids on Christmas morning. All supervised, of course, by a giant bronze bust of George Washington.

 

I too couldn't resist getting in on the action and was thrilled to snag not one, but two pairs of new Hunter rain boots, including this cute calf height gray pair. I'm still not sure what, exactly, got into me. I mean, two new pairs of rain boots? But I suppose when you can get them for 55-75% off, it's hard to resist!

The shoe selection didn't stop there. Bishop Boutique had a great selection of flats, boots, and heels, as well as a humorous approach to their advertising. 

We're all looking for that elusive Cinderella moment, and you know it's not possible without the right shoes!

If you're looking for accessories, there are rows of fabulous options to choose from. I'm not sure how I walked away from the bright, beautiful baubles like these from Queen Bee Designs. I'm looking at this photo with great shopping regret for the pieces that got away, but I'm sure many women after me will leave happy.

We paid a visit to one of our favorite home furnishing stores, Red Barn Mercantile, whose booth featured a colorful array of bedding, pillows, home accessories, and more. I loved the pattern of this John Robshaw duvet, and was completely smitten with a gorgeous glass lamp. 

Sadly, with a home a mere 15' wide, I had to do more browsing than buying, but did walk away with two sweet Christmas ornaments, including the petite white house seen below.

Stuart Nordin also had a great selection of items. It's funny how in the moment I didn't take in some of the items, but as I look back at the photos I'm totally in love with the white bench. I must have been distracted by that cute navy ikat pillow.

In the upper level we took on more shopping, and paid a visit to Top it off, where all items were $10, including tax. Seriously!

I purchased this great honeycomb wrap seen on the mannequin below, as well as a cute black sweater cape, and am sorry I didn't pick up the brightly colored necklace as well. How cute is that? 

We also made a stop a Zoe Boutique who, in addition to racks of clothing, had a fun accessories table set up featuring a $10 grab bag of lightly damaged merchandise. They also had an array of silver initial bracelets and necklaces that I loved, but sadly didn't see any "W"s left, or I would have added that to my basket. I did buy a gorgeous coat that was marked down roughly 70%.

You may not have guessed it from the volume of today's finds, but I'm a terribly indecisive shopper. This unfortunate trait of mine makes my husband crazy and sales like today's very difficult to navigate. You need to be ready to make quick decisions and can't agonize over something for too long or it will surely be gone. I have to give Alex credit for his patience on days like today, because I know I sound like my mother when I ask him time and time again, "Do you think I should get this? Do I really need this?" I even start to annoy myself.

All in all, it was a very successful morning and if anything, now looking back through the photos, I realize there were a few things in the pictures that I missed or regret putting down. I suppose it's only fair to leave great finds behind for someone else to enjoy.

If you're around the area today and are looking for something to do, be sure to drop by the George Washington Masonic Temple at the top of King Street in Old Town, just across the street from the King Street metro station. The sale is going on until 4:00 pm, but the earlier you get there the more deals there are to be had. Even if you're not a local reader, we hope some of the things you see might inspire you to pay a visit to Old Town and visit all of these great store's in their permanent retail outlets. 

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This year's sale was in early August, and though the temperatures can be hot and sticky at that time of year, the weather was perfect and the only thing really hot that day were all of the deals. I picked up several items along the way, including new shoes, a few gifts for friends and family, and one small item in particular that I've been very excited about since we saw it staring back at us from Red Barn Mercantile's central table.

With one second floor bathroom in our home that serves the dual purpose of guest bathroom for upstairs and powder room for downstairs, we're often directing guests from the first floor "up the stairs and immediately to the left" when they're in need of a loo. Unfortunately, when many walk up the stairs some intimidation about being alone on the second floor of someone else's house often sets in. Sure it's not a problem for people familiar with our home, but a first time visitor undoubtedly ends up walking past the first door on the left and wandering down the hall, past the office and eventually into the guest room. With several nondescript white doors in a short hallway, I guess it's just easy to miss.

To remedy this situation and to add a little bit of cuteness to the hallway at the same time, when I spied the little cast iron "WC" plate I knew it had to come home with us. The little sign's timeless styling called out to my love of all things European, and I knew it was the answer to our dilemma and how we should absolutely make our guests aware of exactly which door represented the water closet.

At first, Alex was a bit apprehensive about the idea. You see, he's the one that has worked so hard at stripping and hanging our salvaged doors throughout the second floor, and asking him to put two small screw holes in a door that he had slaved over for days, well, that's like asking him to screw those two small screws right into his chest. 

He hemmed and hawed at the idea, but ultimately, he saw both the practicality of the solution, as well as the happiness it would undoubtedly bring me. This, folks, is what a healthy marriage is about -- letting your significant other screw what they want into your hard work.

Since the door is situated so close to the top of the stairs, we opted to hang the "WC" at roughly waist height. Our thought is simple. A person coming up the stairs will be more likely to see the sign at normal waist height, since that's actually about eye level to them when they'd first see it near the top of the stairs.

We marked the location of the two screws with a pencil, making sure the top of the sign was perfectly level and the sign was centered on the panel both horizontally, and vertically centered in line with the door's hardware.

We then drilled pilot holes for the two screws so we could affix the sign using two painted white outlet cover screws. I'm not positive, but I may have heard a little bit of Alex's soul die when we drilled those two tiny holes.

Alex grabbed two small slot head screws from his drawer full of leftover screws (we can't have our house looking "new" with philips head screws) and put them in place to secure our new friend.

Using two extra outlet screws meant we had to pre drill the holes deep enough to accommodate the whole screw, since they aren't true wood screws, but it ensured a much better look with a finished white top.

Now, when a guest says, "Pardon me, but could you please point me to the nearest toilet?" (all of our house guests definitely talk just like that), we can respond, "Absolutely, just climb the stairs and look to the left for the sign that reads 'WC'." How wonderfully European and refined of us, no?

So what do you think? Does "WC" make enough sense to you? Or do you think we should have gone with a good old sign with a guy in a cowboy hat and girl in a hoop skirt to show all of our guests just where they could find the bathroom?

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