In all honesty, it's an exercise in DIY futility and one we can't recommend for anyone wanting to get something done quickly.

Software development is my day job line of work, and we have a rule when it comes to defining a complex system and managing the project. No matter what the customer wants, they have three options, but they can choose only two. Their system can either be good, cheap, or fast (completed quickly). In other words, the better the solution, and the faster they want it done, the more expensive it is. Alternatively, the cheaper they want it for and the faster they want it done, the worse quality the system will be. And so on...

In DIY home improvement (as with many things in life), the same principles apply, except with one modification. Rather than representing a triangle of options, this is more of a quad point scale of measurement. The new major decision points are similar with one major addition: Good, Fast, Cheap, and Life.

Let's look at all four of the these items with respect to DIY.

Good: This rather subjective yet all encompassing aspect of renovation projects is rather hard to quantify, but relatively easy to identify. A project with a "good" result is one where you've not taken short cuts along the way and the finish work, as well as the work below the surface, is executed to the best of your ability. This requires a time commitment that allows you to hone your skills in what you're dealing with if they don't already exist, as well as a desire to achieve a caliber of workmanship that satisfies those with a discerning eye. (Read: "your significant other.")

The idea of Good includes all of the necessary prep work, proper cleanup, full research for correct technique, having the right tools, not forcing a screw that's too large into a hole just because you don't happen to have the right supplies, installing and removing something multiple times because you're paranoid you've repeatedly done it the wrong way, hell, even undoing a completed section of work because you've forgotten a critical component, and the list goes on.

The more "Good" you want in your end result, the more some of the other decision aspects of our chart suffer.

Fast: This speaks more to the speed in which you are reasonably able to complete the overall work, as well as any individual tasks needed by the overall work. As you can probably tell, this item plays hand in hand with the idea of "Good," as the faster you tend to complete something, the more likely you are to skip steps that are required for the Good to be realized.

Let's be honest, when one begins a bathroom renovation with the intent to take a few months, but that project somehow reaches into the "years" time frame, there's likely something that went a bit off course with one of the other variables in our equation.

Either way, the fury of your spouse is usually such that you have no "right" option in this matter, it's simply a case of "you pay now, or your pay later...no matter what, you pay."

Cheap: One would hope that the DIY aspect of your endeavor would lend itself directly to making this aspect of our chart a non issue. However, if one were to think this, one would likely be pretty far skewed to the left on the "Attractive vs Smart" diagram. Sure you may be saving money on the labor aspect of your project, but there is so much more to any project that this over simplification should be used for nothing more than convincing your spouse your DIY idea is a good one to start with. Once you have buy in on tearing up your own house, or starting your own project, don't you dare breathe the words involving "cost savings from doing it ourselves" so your significant other until you're so far removed from the project that the pain of the dirt, grime, disaster, and inconvenience is forgotten. (Weird, I'm describing this like our new mom friends have described child birth).

The only opportunities when it's acceptable to talk cost savings mid project is when you're at a dinner party and the uninitiated poke and prod you with questions like you're an exhibit at a zoo, or when you're trying to recruit other homeowners into the lives you've been willingly sucked into, likely in an attempt to make yourself feel like you're not the only prisoner in the jail.

In reality, the overall expense associated with a DIY project relies on your ability to source from reasonable outlets, find the materials that are right for you and your project, taking your time to searching the Internet for hours, days, weeks, or even years, trying to locate that elusive item that seems to be clearly visible but just beyond your grasp. We know, we searched for, and found, five matching doors to the period of our house, and they were only about $40 per door. Hey, it only took us four years of looking.

When it comes to cost, the less you want to spend, the more one of the other aspects of our four way matrix of DIY must sacrifice.

Life: As the new addition that has forever changed the age old triangle of project choices into the square of selections, life is the most important aspect that people tend to never consider. You (or likely you and your partner) are going to be the one who decide what's important when it comes to Good, Cheap, and Fast, and this ultimately impacts the quality of the Life you get to experience. Additionally, Life becomes an active participate in your decision making process, often throwing a curve into your preferences when Life pops up and makes it impossible to maintain your goals. Hey, we can't complain too much. Why? It's just a fact of Life.

We've maintained a relatively healthy balance when it comes to the life aspect of our DIY. When we look at the full time employment we maintain (no matter if we'd rather not go into the office), the vacations and distant destinations we're fortunate enough to enjoy, the wonderful friends we've made and spend time with, and the general enjoyment we get from the hours spent walking with Lulu or Ollie, or scratching Mel's head, Life is an extremely important aspect of our DIY. Had we abandoned Life at some point along the way, we'd likely be done with our house by now, but Life would have also likely passed us by, and as the saying goes, you only get one.

Over the last few weeks, Life has been taking a priority when it comes to our DIY balance, so much so that we've not had a whole lot of time for other items. Our projects are sitting, our progress has stalled, but our Life goes on, and that's a beautiful thing. We'd love it if the situations were different, if we didn't have to deal with illness, didn't have to worry about recovery times, medication doses, and daily trips to the vet, but that's not in the cards right now. However, there are few complaints from our camp as our prognosis looks good, no concern having to do with our projects (that's a lie, there's a little), no need to worry about when something might get done. Instead, we're fortunate to have the means and capacity to deal with Life in what we feel, for us, is the most effective way possible.

So when you're looking at our newly proposed quadrangle of DIY, it's a not so simple calculation of wants and desires pulled in a four way tug of war. But the best part about this decision is that it's all yours to make. You want to renovate your house and do it yourself? Good, Fast, Cheap, or Life, which ones do you choose?

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Perhaps it's a comfy chair better left on the front porch of your fraternity house. Maybe it's a childhood keepsake that you love to proudly display, but your spouse would rather not admit you own. Or maybe it's that talking fish you'd like to marvel at mounted above your mantle, but there is no chance your significant other will remain married to you if it ever sees the light of day (give me back that Filet-O-Fish, give me that fish).

In our case the collection in question happens to be bobbleheads. More specifically, it's my collection of every Washington Nationals bobblehead that has ever been given out since the Nationals began playing in Washington, D.C. in 2005. If you just said to yourself "wow, Alex is sort of obsessed, a little bit juvenile, and certainly weird," it's a fair assessment that I won't argue with you about.

I bring up this rather sensitive subject now because a rare event occurred last weekend. April 14th was Stephen Strasburg bobblehead day at Nationals Park. Oh yeah, it was an event.

I have to admit, I'm a collector. I've been collecting various things since I was a young kid. Baseball cards, football cards, Garbage Pail Kids, Star Wars toys and replica props (nerd alert), and various sports memorabilia. Wendy says I'm a hoarder, but I feel that label is a bit severe for an aficionado such as myself. Since we moved in together nearly 12 years ago we've compromised on many things, and I've slowly been shown the error of my ways. Perhaps trying to proudly display everything I collect is "tacky" or "cluttered" and "unattractive," but it was the way I knew from childhood, and I needed to be broken of this habit like a wild horse needs to be broken for a saddle. Thanks to Wendy ("the Alex Whisperer") I now know that to truly appreciate these things in a tasteful way, some moderation is required. She's a wise woman, that Wendy.

My room once looked like a low budget sports card store with framed stadium posters all over the walls. My most valuable and cherished baseball cards were displayed on shelves, sitting there for all guests to appreciate. 

Jerseys and baseballs littered the room in a seemingly random order, no priority, no aesthetic, just there, acting as sentimental clutter.

Yes folks, that's the room of an adult man-child, a 24 year old version of myself. I think if I were left to my own devices, my house would look an awful lot like Jimmy Fallon's place in Fever Pitch, just with Indians and Nationals stuff, not all of that Red Sox garbage. :-)

I have to give Wendy a ton of credit, I know how much this...ahem...affliction of mine must have driven her nuts, and she patiently and gently helped me see a better way to handle my collections. Slowly over several years she would help me to arrange things in a more visually pleasing manner. This often meant putting away many of the things that were typically stuffed onto shelves without an inch to spare. Essentially, Wendy was acting like a home stager for my collections, removing two thirds of what I had so that I could appreciate the important remainder. Again, "the Alex Whisperer" at work.

I think Wendy will be the first to admit, I've done pretty well since those early days. I still collect things that are important to me, but it isn't nearly like what I used to do. When I do add something to my collections, I either find storage for them or allow them to replace something else that's already out. But sometimes, and I mean only a very rarely sometimes, I have a bit of a relapse, and it usually has to do with bobbleheads.

Yes, those hydrocephalic caricatures of major league baseball players and mascots get me every time. I want them all and I want to show everyone I have them all. When you're a Nationals fan the fact your shelves are stocked with these nodding fools shows the pain and suffering you've endured rooting for last place teams that have frequently been the worst team in all of baseball. 

At the time of this post, the team is in first place and playing in a respectable manner (yeah, I just jinxed it, I know), so it's even more reason to be proud. But oddly enough, placing the Nationals Racing presidents on our dining room mantel...

...or the Mascot, Screech, on our living room mantel just doesn't seem to go with the general feel of the decor within our house that we're trying to accomplish (or so I'm told). Go figure.

So back to compromise and reasonability we go, kicking and screaming along the way. I mean, just because something makes sense and is probably right doesn't mean I have to like it.

I know I'm complaining quite a bit, but it's largely in jest. Wendy has declared our home office as the space where my various collections should live. This actually works quite well for me. It's one of the rooms of the house where I spend a large amount of time and where I can appreciate my mementos the most.

In this room there are three primary areas where I can proudly display my personal treasures in a tactful and mature manner.

The first is in an antique oyster basket that Wendy picked up in Luckett's Virginia a few years back. I absolutely love baseball and go to a lot of games. I also tend to go for batting practice and also usually sit very close to field level. This has resulted in dozens of caught balls. Many I give away to kids sitting nearby, but I often bring several home. This antique oyster basket is my caught ball repository, and the collection goes back 15-20 years. I just love that I have a place to toss them when I get back from a game with a used baseball in my pocket.

Next to the basket we have a beautiful antique bookcase in our office. I'm able to put a handful of items that I really like in here, and because they are behind glass doors, there's no chance they'll mysteriously fall from the shelves and break. 

This is where I store my prized presidential bobbleheads. I think George, Tom, Abe, and Teddy enjoy their life in this case, after all, they have Major League's Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn and Screech in there for entertainment. I mean, I do have at least one Indian in the cupboard.

And finally, we have the glass inlays on the built in desk shelves. This area is reserved for my extra special baseballs that I've caught at games over the years. Mementos like the first ball I ever caught at a baseballs game in Cleveland in the 1980s or the ball I caught on a foul off of Barry Bonds and and ended up on TV, an old baseball glove, and two baseballs cards from about 1909 that I've had since I was a kid. 

Here's video proof that I actually caught that Barry Bonds foul.

Growing up I thought all of this cool stuff was my ticket to riches, but now I realize that it's all just my ticket to fond memories, and I love seeing a bit of it every day. Wendy's right, I can appreciate it far more when I'm not overwhelmed by it.

In my opinion our home office is a tastefully done example of decorating with sports memorabilia without making it look like a sports bar. I love the look, I love that my special items are in there, and I love that it is unique but not overwhelming. Oh, and that Browns helmet on the bookcase, I put it up there after Halloween and I'm just waiting to see how long it will stay there until Wendy suggests it should live elsewhere. :-)

I know you're wondering, "But what of the other bobbleheads, are they in storage?" That's an excellent question, thank you for asking. At some point in the last few years Wendy made a suggestion. I'm sure she was only looking out for the best interests of my bobbleheads and not in any way trying to jettison my collection from the house when she said "You know what? You should take all of your other bobbleheads to your office where you can appreciate them every day at your desk." I had no other option than to oblige this extremely selfless suggestion, and this is where my collection of 13 and growing additional Washington Nationals bobbleheads lives.

I have two more to pick up this year and already have tickets to those game. Gotta keep the streak alive!

Do you have any great collections that you often have disagreements with your significant other over their proud display? I'd love to hear some of your favorite stories, it might just make me feel a bit less emasculated.

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Let's face it. A do it yourself renovation stretching nearly a decade and counting can be incredibly stressful and overwhelming at times. Take the stress involved with difficult work and couple it with lack of sleep and lack of time to unwind after our day jobs, and sometimes you inevitably have friction. I know many of you who have embarked on anything from a weekend room repaint to a major construction project can probably relate.

Just this last weekend we had an excellent example of one of those...ahem...enthusiastic disagreements. I happened to discover that two of our best dining room napkins had been used as rags during a recent project. Here they are in all their glory, marred by black French door oil paint and Gun Blue used for darkening screws.

I might have emphatically expressed my disapproval of said use, and grown more irritated when my partner in crime's defense was "I thought they seemed too nice to be used as rags, but since they were in the rag pile I thought it was okay to use them." 

Not cool. Especially given that he does all the laundry in our household, and he would have been the person to wash, fold, and place the napkin in our construction zone rag pile. 

You might be wondering how I'm lucky enough to have a husband who does all the laundry? Let's just say he gladly took it over following a laundry mishap that involved a busted lip and a shattered front tooth. I'm nothing if not graceful. Sorry folks, no photos of that traumatic event.

The fact is, Alex and I have been at this house project of ours for quite some time. Our DIY wedded bliss wasn't discovered overnight by any means, and like our home, it's very much a work in progress. But over the years, we've been able to figure out what works, what doesn't, and how we can cope on our own and with each other's help. Hopefully a little bit of our life might help you deal with the more difficult periods that occur during your DIY endeavors.

I think the single biggest thing you can do to help yourself cope during a difficult time is to understand what you need. This may be a need for a helping hand, an honest opinion, a friendly ear, or just a little peace and quiet. In my case, I need a good bit of frustrated voice raising and possibly a little cry. When I'm feeling particularly beat down and overwhelmed by the ridiculous project we've taken on, this is how I vent.

I don't need sympathy, and don't actually want to burn our house to the ground (no matter how much I may say it or mean it for that fleeting second), but I want Alex to understand that I've had it and don't want to put up with partially stripped paint in a doorway for eight years, a crack around our skylight that I stare at every day, or windows that I can stand by and feel cold air blowing through. I know he can't do anything about it in the moment that I'm upset, but I just need him to know how I feel. 

My dear husband's response is to typically get a little frustrated with me, but this usually kicks him into gear. He's eager for me to not be upset, and he knows that getting work done on the house is one of those ways to calming the Wendy beast. 

Alex on the other hand, he has a different approach. He tends to shut down when he gets overwhelmed. He over-thinks his projects, gets bogged down, and gets paranoid he's going to make a mistake. So instead of risking a mistake, he does nothing. If he forces the project and does end up making a mistake, woah, watch out! There is a tirade brewing that typically results in a lot of throwing of spare wood scraps as well as a waterfall of swearing. Let me tell you, Alex doesn't normally swear much, so when it happens, he makes up for lost time.

I like to get Alex back on the ball by making lists. I calm him down by talking through what's left on a project and breaking it into bite sized tasks that he can check off as he completes them. We've hung lists on the walls of almost every major project area we've completed. It's also fun to look at these lists years after they are complete to remember what we accomplished during a stressful but productive period of our lives. 

In other words, we are very much our own people, and we have our own skills as well as faults. But this doesn't disqualify the fact that we also lean and rely heavily on each other to accomplish our goals.

So what's the point of today's public shaming over our permanently soiled cloth napkins at the hands of my husband? Well, besides our love of a good public display of our dirty laundry (no pun intended), it's to show you the value of communication, knowing your partner, and knowing that your capabilities are not your own solely, but are heavily dependent on the support and accommodation of the crew you happen to be working with. 

What sorts of tricks or coping mechanisms do you partake in to get you through the more difficult periods? Are you a solemn renovator, or do you need to be part of a team to accomplish your goals? I'm always interested to learn about what makes other DIYers tick...and sometimes explode.

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